It’s friday. I’ve found that some things are same the world around. Once you get even the smallest bit settled; you fall into the trap of life. You walk, and walk and walk until you can’t walk anymore. What is there to do then.....buy stuff. Spend money, waste time, and forget. This is the great problem with civilisation. It needs people to want a diversion. Any diversion so that one another do not have to speak. Is it that we actually like spending money so that instead of speaking with other humans we can sip coffee and stare at tasteful coperate art.
It’s sunday. I’m a little bummed out. I’m trapping myself in my head. I always do this. My french isn’t coming along as fast as I thought it would. I guess that it pretty good, but it’s really frustrating me. I’m not being an active person. I’m letting life kind of pass me by. I walk all over this city searching and exploring for some life that is unattainable in my current state. i’m like this scared little boy. I’m left alone in my house....in my mind and all I want is someone to push me. I need my mom or dad or friends or my own will to kick in and make me approach people. I’m stuck with this fear of being stupid or strange or creepy or whatever. I can’t communicate with people until I try. I can’t try until I get over the fear of fucking up. I can’t get over the fear of fucking up until I feel more adept at speaking. I can’t feel more adept at speaking until start trying to communicate with people. It’s a vicious circle that is leading me to the maddening feeling that I will never succeed. Never succeed in french in life in love in anything. It’s getting late and tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I start living in france instead of just living in my head.

Oh and there were protests for 4 days. I missed all the tear gas and riot police though.